Beautiful girl…

An essay…

Ilona playing with a magnifying glass. ©Alma Hoffmann, 2025.

My little niece Ilona decided that meals including chicken, are going to be called beautiful chicken. We have used that now to describe anything we want her to eat since her appetite has been irregular. To explain, Ilona, my niece’s daughter, was diagnosed with B-ALL (B-cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia) in May 1st. That is six weeks after turning three. To say it was a shock is an understatement. No one expected this and it seemed to have come out of nowhere. While her prognosis is positive, the protocol the doctors at CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) have her on entails chemo treatment visits, several hospital stays, steroid medicines, and at home care. All of which has been intense, especially the first few months. I have however, decided that she shall be referred to as the beautiful girl. She is a little fighter.

Bad news are well, bad at any age and any time. But, when these news affect a little one, bad news take yet another layer. Almost a year ago, I wrote about Ilona in this post titled Boing. In it, I described her temperament, her acute intellect even at that young age, and her ways to go around the things she was told not to ask for. She is hilarious, funny, smart, witty—sometimes too witty for her own good, bright, and wakes up full of energy. To see her wake up like a ray of sunshine, despite her little body having a fight for her life, has given me much happiness.

The lives of my niece, Claudia and her husband have changed. They had to cancel summer travels to Puerto Rico and Alabama because the treatment is intense. On top of receiving these life altering news, American Airlines has refused to refund their tickets acting uncooperative and intransigent. I mean, what were they supposed to do?

We came over to help my niece by cooking for her and her family. She also has a one year old baby. But since Ilona’s diagnosis, she has been very attached to her mom and sometimes has a challenging time sharing her time and affection. She is only three after all. While she is extremely articulate, there are things in her body and mind that she can’t really verbalize, let alone understand. Her mood goes up and down and her sleep has also been affected. There are times that my heart breaks for Ilona but also for my niece and her husband.

There are words I wish I could have to alleviate her burden. I wish I had a magic wand so I could wave it around and have Ilona’s illness be gone. Alas, I have no such power. Maybe a bit of context would help you understand what my niece means to me. Her mother and I have been family for over 40 years. That is a lifetime of ups and downs, moves, phone calls, letters, cards, marriages, children’s births, baptisms, proms, weddings, Christmas, graduations, engagements, birthdays, and you name it. Some of you who are reading this know exactly what this friendship is and has been. For those of you without the luxury of that deep context, suffice to say that I love Angie’s girls as if they were my own. I attended every dance recital for years. I was the official photographer, makeup artist, job provider, ice cream partner, and guardian throughout their lives. They are my family.

For many years Claudia was very attached to me. She’d wait for me outside the bathroom after church when I was changing. She would cuddle with me often. When she was a toddler, she would sit on my lap at church and fall asleep. We even had a running joke that she would fit in my suitcase and go with me. When she moved to college, we would email each other more or less weekly or talk over the phone. As time has gone on, we keep in frequent contact with each other. We read books together to discuss and we try to visit each other in the summer time.

Because of the intensity of my feelings for Claudia seeing her go through what she is going through right now is hard. My heart however has found joy in seeing Claudia be the best mother Ilona could ever have. Claudia has become not only a beautiful mom, but also a beautiful woman with an even temper and the assertive dedication needed to care for her daughter. I came here to help her but she has shown herself to be beyond capable. I am in awe.

Growing up Claudia was much like her daughter: spunky, witty, alive, bright, and extremely smart. Ilona is a mini Claudia. I once said to Claudia that if I ever had a daughter I wanted her to be just like her. I do have a daughter who is a beautiful mixture of both Claudia, Margarita, and Adi in so many ways.

One never knows where life would take us but none of us walks without purpose. In so many ways everything in Claudia’s life has prepared her for this very moment. To be the mom that Ilona needs. Claudia is my beautiful girl. Ilona is my beautiful and super resilient girl. Some days will be and are hard but one second at a time and in God’s providence this too shall pass.

In the meantime, while contending with dark days is not something we eagerly look for, it should be noted that those times often shape us. To what exactly is dependent on what we look toward to. The path needs not to be rough but often is. But every day begins and ends. And each morning is full of new mercies and hope until that one day where all sadness will be made untrue. You my little Ilona are a little fighter and you have the best team in your corner. Having met you I can’t imagine life without you.

If you are interested in following up with Ilona’s care please check this site where Claudia posts regular updates. And if you feel ever so inclined to help financially, here is the link for that. No pressure or hard feelings.